The Maternal Warrior

As the day for celebrating mothers in the world arrived, I have had many reflections on my journey as a mother. One of the things I wished my mother could have at least told me about, or even prepare me for was the role of motherhood. I grew up hearing my parents over and over ” study hard and “be serious about your education”. I don’t remember anything mentioned about motherhood or marriage. But I do not blame them. They loved me so much and knew my future is more than the roles I’ll acquire during my journey to adulthood. 

Motherhood is a joy and a pain, it is a call to advanced maturity,  a call to nurture and mentor someone, it is not just about giving birth. When I realized the depth of Motherhood, I knew I need to limit the number of children I need to have. But also to upgrade my knowledge every day. From nutrition, hygiene, self-care, spiritual and emotional well-being. How can you mentor if you have nothing to offer? Myles Monroe once said ‘that ignorance is generational’. Learn for your kids. What you know your kids will start from there and take it even further. 

Some fantasize about being a mother of probably 5 kids, or more. But they have not really understood what it will cost to be a mother to five children. I asked my mother a sensitive question if she ever dreamed of having 6 children. And she said ” no”. I went on and asked a few other women why they had that number of children,  some said it happened unplanned, some said because of health reasons they couldn’t have many, and some said they only wanted that number. I concluded that as women we can have a choice in this matter too. We can plan the number of children or if we won’t need to have children. 

We live in a society where if you’re a woman, you’re expected to be married and also to have kids, but not one or two, they even say ” three is a good number “.

These are people who contribute nothing to the mother or child, or even the cost associated with maternity, the pain and the fear of the unknown, she will face all alone. What terrifies me about our culture is the fact that a woman has no room to explain her pain or feelings during the maternity period. The only thing they will say to silence her is ” that’s motherhood ”  or ” that’s what it means to be a woman”. I believe something can be done, women can have a space to feel and express whatever they go through as they find themselves in this new journey of motherhood. 

To be a mother is a choice, it is not a default setting as the society projects. So as to be married. Every woman should ease herself from this pressure. I remember in my undergraduate final year, I would ask my roommates what their plans were after graduation,  and most surprised me, they wanted to get married. I think we need to be intentional in this and not just flow with what is expected of a woman. Simply because you’re 30 or 40 doesn’t mean you’re ready for marriage or motherhood. This is a decision just like a decision to take a certain job or responsibility. These roles may appear instagramable but they’re typical responsibilities and duties. This is why most Television shows end at wedding celebrations or in bed showing couples sleeping. Well, the story does not end there. 

Sub-Saharan Africa alone accounted for roughly two-thirds of maternal deaths in the world in 2017. Many women who experience maternal death in sub-Saharan Africa live in poverty and do not receive adequate care in time to address complications. Other contributing factors include high rates of child marriage and unintended pregnancies.

One of the things every parent can adopt is to inform their children or prepare them for this role before they jump in too early. We are no longer in a period where marriage or giving birth is concealed to children.

Also, women who are married or single should be aware of their bodies and take control. Having children should not be something automatic, it should be planned, expected,  and anticipated. Therefore sexual reproductive health knowledge is a necessity. I would say conceive to impact your society,  to leave a legacy, and not just to complete the social standards.