How to protect yourself from physical abuse in a relationship.

Growing up, I  used to think married women were always beaten. In my childhood, I used to hear the cries of women at night, each in their own days receiving a special beating from their Husbands. In the morning when we meet at the shared bathrooms, I would see the scars on their faces and swelling eyes. I was terrified. 

In Tanzania, 40% of all women aged 15-49 years have experienced physical violence.  44% have experienced either physical or sexual violence by an intimate partner.  According to a 2020 study, about 44% of African women experience gender-based violence. In South Africa, medical complications from intimate-partner violence constituted the second-highest burden of disease after HIV/AIDS.

This is where I made my decision to study law so that I can protect myself. My grandfather was a lawyer, and I was determined to fight anyone who will beat me. I’m grateful that I have never received any beating in my life except my father and mother. All the men I dated and the one I married never dared to beat me, you know why? It’s not because I have a degree in Law Enforcement nor because I’m confident. I had few values guiding me in any relationship I entered. Remember values decides for you in advance.

Don’t say yes to someone whose view about women is purely traditional: by traditional I mean, he thinks women are only supposed to be homestay wives, with no freedom to work or go anywhere, those who think a woman’s opinion doesn’t matter over a man’s opinion. A woman should always accept everything a husband brings. In short don’t say yes to someone who thinks you’re weak, not complete, and treats you like a child. The problem with this relationship is that it limits your right to live freely, limiting your expressions and aspirations. Some even lose their lives for example In April 2022, the Nigerian gospel singer Osinachi Nwachukwu died at the hands of her husband because she endured severe abuse. 

Stay far from someone who wants to control you: you’re an adult, and the only one who should have permission to control is yourself or your guardians if you’re underage. Relationships built on fear will never last.

Avoid those who can’t control their emotions: such as anger, and desires, Someone who can’t manage his anger is close to madness. You don’t want to deal with that. 

Don’t listen to your emotions or feelings of love, reason first before you open your heart to anyone. When we were teenagers, we opened our hearts like doors and ended broken hearts. Be wise now. It is best to enter relationships with knowledge, don’t follow your feelings. Kenyan actor Idah Alisha opened up about the violence she experienced after getting married at age 21. Myles Munroe once said abuse is inevitable where ‘purpose’ is unknown. To be single is a privilege to be embraced since it is the foundation stage to understanding yourself and building your values.

In order for these values to work you must also be like what you’re looking for. If you’re someone who curses, is violent, unable to control your anger, you’d definitely provoke violence. 

Share this message with a woman you wish for her safety in  2023.

Happy New Year.