She is not a Verb.

Misogynists have always felt the need to control women, to make women seem like their possessions or accessories, most commonly – to seem as objects. They never miss an opportunity to remind women of the false prophecy that we are second class citizens on earth. They have this sick need to express their strong opinion (mostly incorrect) of where women belong, how they should act and react, how they should dress not forgetting how they should look.

What is appalling is how we, as society have just accepted all this nonsense. And hold women accountable – you either fit in the boxes the misogynist fixed for you or you are odd, weird and unacceptable. What’s funny is how much women police each other using these standards, we are the first ones to point fingers, isolate and call each other names. If there’s one thing misogynists have succeeded in their useless mission, is using the divide and rule policy – divide the women and see how easily the misogynist agenda is pushed down their throats!!

They mostly use subtle deeds, you would not even know the message of control they are sending, that women are to them objects that they do to anything they want sometimes for pleasure.                                                                                                                                           Remember that whistle you got as you pass by the street? That disrespectful grab the junkie gave you by the bus stop? The obscene shouts the masons gave you as you pass by the building site? What about the NSFW songs the electricians sing to you as they pass in their maintenance cars? The unhidden sizing up stares as you enter the restaurant? How did that make you feel as a woman? Afraid? Timid? Beautiful? Attractive? Unsafe? Disrespected? How did it make you feel when they did not sing or whistle or shout to you? Unwanted? Unattractive? What if they did it to you and not the next woman? How did it make you feel? Better? More than?

See? Misogynists can be subtle!! Ironic, isn’t it? The effect is massive though! What gives them the right to comment, shout, say anything for God’s sake to a woman that is simply passing minding her own business? And don’t get me started by saying some women like it, or we crave the attention, is it why misogynist do it? Are they doing it to please the need for attention that women supposedly have? Is the crave for attention not an effect of what has been abused and misrepresented as attention given? Why not give us this attention in education opportunities, and career achievements if you are so willing to satisfy our yearning for attention?

Sometimes the displays are not so subtle. Remember the precautions you were taught in school to take in order to avoid being raped? Do you remember boys being taught not to rape? How you were taught to wash dishes and clean houses because no one will marry a woman who can’t do these things right? Remember your brothers being taught the same? Remember how embarrassed and insulted you were when people found out you lost your virginity? Do you remember a boy going through the same?

These things are being allowed to define women, how you style your hair, how you walk, how you dress, how you talk, your body size and shape… heck! Even the tone of your voice!!!

But how long can we let this go on? What do we allow to define us? Aren’t we also allowed to be people? And have choices, ambitions, likes and dislikes? Can washing clothes right really define a complex emotional being?

What do we allow to define us? Are we beautiful because we got the whistle? Or ugly because we didn’t? Are we good because we can cook? Or bad because we can’t?

We are not here to look pretty for them…

We are not here to simply wash and cook…

We are not here to be told who we are…

We are not here to make them comfortable…

If we are here, then we must have a purpose – I believe the purpose is not a VERB (wash, cook) and it sure isn’t one size fits all my friend…Each one of us have their own purpose to fulfill!!

You might still be in the course of finding your purpose, but trust me, its sure as hell not to please a misogynist!!!!!

What do you allow to define you?

Written by:

Glorie Mballa (27)

Tanzanian

Independent Consultant.