The Shame We Inherit: Women and Their Bodies
I sat inappropriately, my grandmother told me. “Don’t spread your legs like a man!” she yelled at me. I was used to her voice, so I did not take it seriously. Her rage was almost harmless to me, but I have kept the lessons in mind.
Why Must Women’s Bodies Be Hidden?
I have been wondering why a woman’s body is supposed to be so hidden. Why must she be the one to cover her body? And when I say cover, I mean beyond dressing. In some cultures, it means covering everything except your eyes. In some churches, it means covering your physique, legs, and chest. It is as if being a woman itself is a sin. Have you ever wondered why the words we use for cursing are women’s parts? Or why are there offensive idioms that speak of a woman’s body?
She hides her body parts like they are bad and names that decency. Studies show body appreciation is higher in men than women. I have always wondered why women look down when they are offered marriage. Why do they have to look and pretend that they don’t need or know sex to be perceived as decent? Clothed well or not, some can’t even withstand being the centre of attention to deliver a message. She can’t face her own naked self; she can’t stand the flash of light on her body, whether married or not. She is left with shame of her own body. How can a belief be so important than our well-being?
Shame and Passion
An Indian friend of mine, a mother practising yoga as her new hustle, is being tormented by shame and segregated by her Indian Islamic community because, by doing yoga, she is exposing her body. She is sitting in unacceptable poses for a woman who is married and with kids. But again, this is her passion and business. This is her way of expressing herself to the world. Why shame her for a living? Yes, it is our faith, religion, and culture, but have we considered the woman? Is she a human? Why shall we inherit a faith that denies our existence? Shall we preserve a culture that promotes the death of our souls? Most women are wired to suppress their emotions and abandon their passion, expressions and dreams. Research shows suppression of emotional expression has been associated with symptoms of depression. However, men suppress emotions more than women, but women experience more symptoms of depression.
The Burden of Covering vs. Dressing
From childhood, a girl is taught to cover her body and not to dress her body. The difference between the two is that one is about dignity and the other about shame. If a girl dresses in a way that does not please her mother, then she has shamed the mother and the family. But this is never the case for boys. It all began when my boobs found their way out, and my confidence was not borrowed. My mother did not like it. She said, “You need to stop walking that way,” and I think she meant, “Don’t draw attention.” As much as we draw attention with our bodies, does it mean we need to shrink ? hide and suppress ourselves? . Another dear friend from the Indian community told me her parents dismissed her desire to take swimming classes because she was a girl.
A Life Built Around Marriage
In most African homes, a girl is raised regarding a man she will marry someday. From childhood, there is an expectation that she will be married; it is the only important thing to a woman. To be married, to be with a man. If this is how women are raised, how can they imagine life independently while all their life they are learning to cook for a man, they are learning to dance for a man, learning to speak to a man, and doing everything for a man? How on earth can she be comfortable being without a man? This is why some women think something is wrong with their body when they are not married soon. Even society thinks something is wrong with a woman when she is unmarried. The church will also pray for the woman to be married off soon. Women today are desperate for marriage. And this desperation to please men, to be with a man, has drained and continues to kill women. Research proves that body image problems are associated with several mental disorders.
In the modern world, women don’t want their bodies. They want what men want: men want big buttocks, a small waist, and the most celebrated body features. So women go to find these features that someday they will regret sacrificing so much over this lie.
The constant pressure for women to conform, to hide, suppress, and alter their bodies stems from deeply rooted cultural and societal expectations. It’s time to challenge these norms and embrace the individuality and humanity of women.