The lie behind the idea of a ‘wife material’

The perception of a ‘wife material’ and its limitation on women.

Is it even real? I’m a wife and I still wonder if am a ‘wife material. This is a common perception in the streets of African society, it is an idea that there’s a woman who has the qualities of being a wife. These qualities are claimed to be taking care of the household, and cooking for the husband, it is all about the traditional role of a woman in the household. I must say  I do not find purpose in those roles because I know I am more than being a wife. I was not born just to be one thing, a wife.

The question is why no one talks about husband material? I concluded that there is no wife or husband material. There are only mature persons.

A lot of young girls are taught from a young age to become better wives, girls are automatically raised as caretakers, and subjects to men, in some families among siblings boys receive more privileges than girls, and boys will be given an opportunity to connect with peers, a girl will remain indoors to wash dishes, she’s prepared to be a wife. Did you know about 130 million girls and women in Africa were married in childhood?

According to the 2018 child marriage report, It is estimated that 55% of girls in Mali are being married before they turn 18, and 15% are married before they turn 15.

This proves how a girl child is viewed, at a very tender age she’s seen as a wife-to-be. The only problem with this is that, this is the only definition she’s given, the only thing she’s being reminded of every day. Is’nt a woman more than that? More than being a wife? Some cultures even reduce costs and decide to limit her education simply because she’ll get married.

Women are subjected to being wives that even during dating some men would behave like they own the woman and dictate her activities, finances and etc. In the street men who know nothing about her will speak as if they have power over her. An Indian friend of mine usually doesn’t cover her hair or dress traditionally and a stranger on the road had a comment about that. Why don’t we hear such harassment subjected to men? There is an expectation that women need to behave and look in a certain way because they need to be compatible for marriage. 

As a result of girls’ upbringing, marriage is viewed as an award to most girls, some call it luck, but marriage is just a decision, marriage is not a wedding make sure your excitement does not end there. Some men, they think they are giving a woman a favor by marrying her, and some think they are covering her shame, this is wrong because marriage is a legal right of both a man and a woman.

When a woman reaches her 30s and she is not married, people would start talking about what is wrong with her. What will ever be wrong with being yourself? Some women become insecure and depressed because they think they are late, not attractive, or not lucky, Why being a wife is a measure of success for women? Do women lack other aspirations in life? There’s so much pressure to be married but it’s not written anywhere in the constitution of our country. 

Marriage is defined under the Tanzanian law of marriage Act s.9 as ‘a voluntary union of man and woman intended to last for their joint lives. No one is late for marriage, marriage is not a degree that everyone needs to have. It’s a decision, your decision.  Marriage is not just a status to be celebrated, marriage is about responsibilities. Therefore it is important for one to understand the responsibilities before committing to it, it is better for one to be mature physically and mentally before entering a marriage.